Tuesday, April 26, 2011


I had entered into a marriage
In the summer of my twenty-first year
And the bells rang for our wedding
Only now do I remember it clear
Alright, alright, alright

E: Throughout history mankind has wondered about donuts.

A: No.

E: Right. Throughout history humans have wondered about donuts.

A: No.

E: Have you ever wondered about donuts?

A: Still no.

E: Webster’s defines donuts as…

A: Stop.

E: If you looked up “donuts” in the dictionary, you’d see a picture of…

A: Can’t I get away from work for just a short time?

No more a rake and no more a bachelor
I was wedded and it whetted my thirst
Until her womb start spilling out babies
Only then did I reckon my curse
Alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright

E: Let’s play the analogy game.

A: What do you mean?

E: Think back to when we thought we knew all of the cool music. Maybe the 90s.

A: This isn’t going to be another exercise in cliché, is it?

E: Bear with me. Let’s say we were doing the Death Match then.

A: OK…but I’m still not on board.

E: We could have had “Doolittle” or “Fallow” or “Nevermind” or “OK Computer” or even “Out of Range.”

A: How did “Nevermind” get in there?

E: Never…

A: Stop.

E: Anyway…we got “Throwing Copper.” Or “A Pocketful of Kryptonite.”

A: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

E: Exactly.

A: I still don’t know what you’re talking about.

First came Isaiah with his crinkled little fingers
Then came Charlotte and that wretched girl Dawn
Ugly Myfanwy died on delivery
Mercifully taking her mother along
Alright, alright, alright

A: Did you put The Decemberists on your list?

E: No.

A: Why not?

E: I don’t know. But this show rocks.

A: Seriously.

E: Know what “The Rake’s Song” reminds me of?

A: What?

E: Total ripoff of Anathallo…in a good way. Love the synchronized percussion.

A: It’s kind of sad that all these bands we played with have made it big.

E: We?

A: We—circle of friends.

E: Sad?

A: Well…not sad…but…it’s hard to describe. Feist. Anathallo. Breathe Owl Breathe. The Beatles.

E: I’m going to vote for The Decemberists.

A: You can’t.

E: I don’t care…I’m going to. You want Beatrice to grow up asking, “Why did you vote for this crap when you could have picked The Decemberists?”

A: If zombie Brian Wilson walked out on stage to jam, then you could convince me, but until they put out a song to top “Help Me Rhonda,” I can’t go along with it.

E: It looks like it’s going to be a split decision then.

What can one do when one is widower
Shamefully saddled with three little pests
All that I wanted was the freedom of a new life
So my burden I began to divest
Alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright

E: Let’s try the numbering system then.

A: OK.

E: Alright…“Donuts”…30 tracks? Are you kidding me? I read enough essays composed in the hope that I find the right answer hidden in there someone.

A: Now that I’ve told you what I think about donuts, what do *you* think about donuts?

E: Stop.

A: It’s like the wine box, “First of all, I’d like to thank you for buying our wine. Now that I have thanked you, let me introduce myself.”

E: Stop.

A: Fine. It wasn’t funny when you did it, either.

E: We’re doing the Death Match…let’s be serious for a minute.

A: Fine.

E: Let’s try Walkmen. Track 1: Dónde Está la Playa

A: I’m trying to listen to Low…don’t spoil it.

E: Track 1: Too much dissonance. Too little interest. 2/5.

A: I’d rather grade this essay.

E: Track 2…what the…did I repeat track 1? Nope. 2/5

A: I feel like I’ve heard all of this before. I’m voting for Low.

E: You can’t.

A: “Drums and Guns” slides in under the 5 year deadline.

E: You can’t. It’s not one of our choices.

A: I don’t care. I’m voting for it.

E: If they had a track with Clarence Clemons and Kenny G, I’d be on board…but I can’t.

A: It looks like it’s going to be a split decision.

Charlotte I buried after feeding her foxglove
Dawn was easy, she was drowned in the bath
Isaiah fought but was easily bested
Burned his body for incurring my wrath
Alright, alright, alright

A: Are we going to saying anything about the bands in our review?

E: Nobody else has.

A: Really?

E: I don’t remember…it’s been about a month since the last review. What’s taking everyone so long?

A: Ummm…

E: Oh. Bad question.

A: Yeah.

E: I bet we beat Joe and Brooke.

A: Yeah, but they’re review will be good.

E: What do you want, quality or slightly less slowness?

A: And fix that. I know the difference between “there” “their” and “they’re.”

E: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

A: This is like going to the Vac Shack only to find that the choices are limited to dirty, used models that have bugs on them.

E: We could have had the ElectroLux.

A: But that’s a thousand bucks.

E: I thought you said you wanted a good vacuum?

A: Can you believe that guy?

E: I know. Doesn’t say a thing about the different models, and then points out that we should really buy the twelve hundred dollar model rather than his crappy fifty buck thing.

A: Too bad the twelve hundred dollar model was already knocked out by Ferraby Lionheart.

E: And the thousand dollar model was knocked out because it wasn’t quite as good as the twelve hundred dollar “Left and Leaving” model.

A: I don’t think anyone is going to get this.

E: See, this is what I like about marriage.

A: What are you talking about?

E: As Carol says, “Relationships are sustained jokes.”

A: Better explain that one.

E: Inside jokes. Things that become funny due to familiarity.

A: Are you saying we should listen to the albums again to see if we like them more and more with another listen?

E: We’ll never know. I’ve had enough of “Throwing Copper.”

And that's how I came your humble narrator
To be living so easy and free
Expect you think that I should be haunted
But it never really bothers me
Alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright

E: Let’s make a choice.

A: Clarence Clemons.

E: Zombie Brian Wilson.

A: Or should we follow the rules?

E: Alright.

A: So?

E: You & Me?

A: Why?

E: There is some good stuff. I like “On the Water.”

A: That’s alright. What else?

E: I like “The Rake’s Song.”

A: Wrong band. You got it mixed in with your play list.

E: Donuts?

A: The songs are too short.

E: I swear, “Workinonit” has a sample from “Pole Position.” How cool is that?

A: Ummm…

E: Trust me. It’s cool.

A: Sure.

E: Though it does jump around too much for either of us to handle, the album is clever and creative.

A: I can buy that.

E: Still…30 tracks? Seriously?

A: Make up your mind.

E: Donuts?

A: Alright.

E: Alright.

A: Alright.


  1. I'm not sure I follow it all, but I am more than pleased with the conclusion.

  2. What's not to follow about stream of consciousness somewhat nonfictional conversations between spouses? And no, we still haven't bought a new vacuum yet. Or decided to like either of these albums more than our now-dead favorites.

  3. What's not to follow indeed. Also like.